LATELY I'VE BEEN reading nonfiction books, finding their less-debatable truths a comforting contrast to the fearsome unpredictability of today’s world. Previously, I had blocked out that world by reading fiction from the horror genre, but stories about people facing unspeakable terrors just seem too cheery these days.
So I’ve settled on works that detail the hard facts of science, lately the origins of humankind. Did you know that we modern human beings are only one of several species of humans throughout evolutionary history? (Evolution being what Charles Darwin dreamed up to cover his childhood disappointment that unicorns weren’t allowed on Noah’s ark. So sad.)
I didn’t realize that we current humans—called homo sapiens, which is Latin for “smarter than those Neanderthal doofuses” (doofi? )—didn’t evolve as one species, seamlessly blending into each next version, like that drawing of hunched figures emerging from the sea to eventually straighten to full height and check email. No, each human species came into existence in a distinct arc of development.
Neanderthals, which preceded us, were actually stronger and had larger brains than the later homo sapiens, but lived virtually unchanged for millennia, their tools never improving, their nomadic lifestyle never maturing into more organized communities. They stubbornly stuck to their ways, and might even have said, “Hey, why reinvent the wheel?” had they invented the wheel in the first place. Which they didn’t.
Fire they mastered quickly, of course, using it for cooking and warmth, but the programmable thermostat never occurred to them.
It fell to us homo sapiens to do the hard work of invention, organization, and cooperation. We overlapped with the Neanderthals for a while, probably making for awkward, interspecies potlucks. (“Thanks for bringing the undercooked lizard, but we’re vegan, starting now. Darn the luck.”) On the other hand, like any good guests, Neanderthals never overstayed their welcome. Once the rainy season began, they moved on.
As those awkward social encounters diminished and Neanderthals left no forwarding address, we homo sapiens took over completely and became the really cool humans.
WE DID THAT by living beyond “biological necessity” and ushering in the “cognitive revolution” with the dawn of agrarianism, which I think was on a Tuesday.
Unfortunately, in leaving the hunter/gatherer lifestyle, we also left behind some of the good practices of the Neanderthal. They kept in shape by moving to where the food was and running a lot to avoid becoming a meal themselves. They adapted to changing environments and maintained a complex and varied diet. This led to healthier outcomes, lower cholesterol counts, and their reward of lollipop or plastic toy when they left the doctor’s office.
The general healthiness of Neanderthals has been proven through remains discovered in ancient grave sites, although the discarded wrappers from Nature Valley granola bars found nearby raise some troubling questions. Did the Neanderthals, who had never tasted cardboard, know the bars were food? Fortunately, the product survives to this day, and variations of it are used to make the boxes Amazon sends our stuff in. Another homo sapiens success story.
IN HINDSIGHT, it’s clear now that our forebears should have thought twice about preferring the back-breaking work of farming over the less restrictive life of the hunter/gatherer, who always gets the best stuff at yard sales. (Nothing good is ever left by the time I turn the car around!)
As a result, our slow trek to modernity has been punctuated by disease, over-crowding, warfare, and dependency on reduced food sources, such as minimally nutritious corn. But at least we got Diet Coke out of it. And let’s not forget the development of modern currency (which we never seem to have enough of), labor-saving manufacturing that moved outside the U.S., and superior communications enabling us to listen to the entire message because the menu has changed.
Come to think of it, maybe we should look back at Neanderthals with envy rather than superiority. Wouldn’t it be better to emulate their flexible lifestyles, their healthier diet? Maybe things really were better, back in the day. You know what I think? Dare I say it? I think we should “Make America Neanderthal Again.”
Although, that may have already started.
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