Championship of the Universe Deadlocked!

'Final battle between good and evil' to go at least six games!

WASHINGTON, D.C. (May 26) - In a comeback that even Lazarus would have admired, the Has-beens, led by their player-coach, Dawn Longenecker, knotted up the best-of-seven series with their arch-rivals, the Never-weres, in the 1986 Sojourners Volleyball Series for the Championship of the Universe in a Memorial Day contest. Now tied at two games apiece, the championship is being played on a neutral court in the nation's capital since both teams have been unable to determine which is more at home at their usual site, Turkey Thicket Park.

The level of play in this clash between the Has-beens and the Never-weres has risen to such heights; that the crowds and spectators--viewing in numbers that could hardly be estimated--have wondered out loud, "Where did these people learn to play?

Although thoroughly decimated in the series' first two games, the Has-beens finally stymied the vaunted Never-were offense by the use of creative defensive tactics. And Coach Longenecker's stirring return to the fourth game--despite a crippling wrist sprain suffered from carrying her newborn, Jessica, through the infant's first seven months of life--inspired her teammates to unexpected victories in their effort to take this season's championship.

Through the first two games, the Has-beens were unable to adjust to the variety of serves unleashed by the Never-weres. In game one Dan "The Rocket Man" Goering served nine straight aces with his feared "duck and cover" serve to close out the series opener. The Has-beens simply collapsed, though their disorganized team personality would later be turned into a strength. In game two the Never-weres again seized the lead on the patented "kiss-the-sky" serve of Joe Roos, who is rumored to have hit the Houston Astrodome ceiling during his meteoric minor league career, several years before professional baseballer Dave Kingman did. Roos' run was good for a decisive lead, and as his launches repeatedly landed for points, the Has-been back-line anchor, Susan Masters, finally beseeched the heavens, "Not me, Lord!"

With game three, however, the fate of the Has-beens began to change. "We decided to play to our natural strengths," said team captain Bob Hulteen. "They're all organizers on that team, so we realized if we resorted to the 'Chinese fire drill' defense, their concentration would be rained!" That strategy, along with front-line play by David King, who showed more spikes than Ty Cobb, and Danny Collum, whose mystifying array of dink shots would have dazzled Bobby Riggs, enabled the Has-beens to pull out a close victory.

At the start of game four, the re-energized Has-beens were threatening to return to the consistently mediocre play that characterized their 1985 season. The Never-weres opened the contest apparently suffering from "black hole syndrome: Serves and returns all vanished somewhere in the back line of the Never-were defense. As the Has-beens neared victory, however, their momentum briefly seemed to slow. Has-been rookie Mark Honeywell unveiled his never-before-attempted Brazilian jump-serve, which immediately resulted in a loss of serve. As both clubs substituted players veteran Never-were Ginny Soley took her new position and tried to reassure her teammates, "Don't worry, I may be short, but I'm slow.

The Has-beens, however, quickly scored the final two points, winning the game and knotting the series. When the ball fell between Never-were defenders Ed Spivey and John Prindle for the game's final point, Prindle barked, ' Next time, if you want it, yell 'Mine!'" Spivey, clearly shaken, replied, "I've been in community too long, I can't say 'mine.'"

AS BOTH CLUBS prepare for the series' conclusion, much could depend on roster changes. The Never-weres reportedly are considering signing to a 10-day contract Chris Longenecker, the sister of the Has-been player-coach. The younger Longenecker probably would not see action until late m the deciding game, to maximize the psychological impact on the Has-been coach. As for the Has-beens, they are awaiting the return of their front-line terror, Ed Richardson, who has been sidelined for two months with a dislocated finger. He is expected to return soon from injured-reserve-list status.

With this best-of-seven series now tied up and with the many intangibles distorting reasonable calculations, predicting a victor seems impossible. In fact, the intangible that could have potentially the greatest affect on the outcome of the match has yet to be a factor on the court.

Many of these players are friends, or at least acquaintances, off the court. A few players have even faced their spouses across the net on a number of occasions. How these teams will be affected by facing sisters, brothers, husband, wife, or even their children as the pressure comes to a head has been hotly debated throughout the series. As yet, however, there are no indications that these dynamics have hindered their competitive drives or lowered the quality of play.

Joe Lynch was a Sojourners editorial assistant when this article appeared.