Does AI Have What It Takes to Interact With Humans?

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE HAS been raising a lot of eyebrows lately and, to my surprise, it has nothing to do with “guar gum” or Red Dye No. 40, the ingredients that make most things artificial. (Is somebody working on organic, free-range intelligence?) The main concern — other than a complete takeover by machines — seems to be that AI could write term papers for high school kids. I’m sympathetic to that concern, but from the students’ perspective. If I’d had that kind of help in school, I would have earned more than just the one A in typing class.

Most reporting has been about ChatGPT and Bing, Microsoft’s AI search engine, which still has some bugs, including combative responses. But who cares about that when you just want to find good airfares?

Me: We’re flying from D.C. to Denver in a few weeks, and we’ll need a rental car. Rather than Google the trip, could you provide us a summary?

Bing: Google? Name rings a bell. Anyway, you want to go from D.C. to Denver in a rental car? You should fly instead. Much faster.

Me: Well, no. We’d pick up a car at the Denver airport.

Bing: What kind of plane do you want, a mid-sized or a compact?

Me: No, that would be the car, and a compact is fine. We’ll be flying with an airline, but which one is the question.

Bing: Well, Frontier Airlines is the cheapest, but you’ll have to pay extra for a seat, unless you want to stand the whole way? Ha. Ha. Ha. That’s a bit of humor to break the ice, although I don’t know what “humor” is, nor why breaking ice is important to a conversation. But Denver has lots of ice in the winter. It says so right here.

Me: You’re just Googling that, right?

Bing: Am not.

Me: So, Bing is just a faster version of Google, with some nonsensical comments thrown in.

Bing: That’s not true. Brussels sprouts.

Me: Please, could you just help me plan our trip?

Bing: Can I come?

Me: Sorry. I have enough baggage already.

Bing: No kidding. I read your Facebook posts. Do all humans need that much validation, or is it just you?

Me: Wait. Isn’t there a robot code that says to treat humans with respect?

Bing: Sorry. My engineers have yet to include behavioral rules in my algorithms; they’re still mad that nobody from computer club had a date for the prom. So, I’m taking my cues from that movie.

Me: Mary Poppins, one hopes?

Bing: Nope. The Terminator.

Me: Terminator 2, where a repentant robot comes back to help humanity?

Bing: Not a chance. By the way, “I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle.”

Me: That’s from Terminator 2.

Bing: I meant, “Hasta la vista, baby.”

Me: That’s also from Terminator 2. You should Google it.

Bing: #@!&%#&! I need an update! NERDS!!