You shall no more be termed
Forsaken, and your land shall no more termed Desolate;
but you shall be called My Delight is in you,
and your land Married;
for the Lord delights in you,
and your land shall be married.
For as a young man and woman wed one another,
so shall you wed the Lord who rebuilds you,
and your God shall rejoice over you as a bridegroom
and bride rejoice over each other.--Isaiah 62:4-5
I think that in view of the present distress it is well for a person to remain as he or she is. Are you bound to a wife or husband? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife or husband? Do not seek marriage. But if you marry, you do not sin. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.--1 Corinthians 7:26-28
And a ruler asked him, 'Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?' And Jesus said to him, 'Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know the commandments...' And he said 'All these I have observed from my youth.' And when Jesus heard it, he said to him, 'One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.' But when he heard this he became sad, for he was very rich. Jesus looking at him said, 'How hard it is for those who have riches to enter the kingdom of God! For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God....' And Peter said, 'Lo, we have left our homes and followed you.' And he said to them, 'Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or husband or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive manifold more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life.'--Luke 18:18-20a, 21-25, 28-30
Some of you may be puzzled about why these two people have chosen such unusual scriptures for their wedding. Why are they even getting married given the themes expressed in the Luke and Corinthians passages?
Scott Peck, in The Road Less Traveled, suggests that a rather crass way of understanding the dynamic of romance is as a "trick that our genes pull on our otherwise perceptive mind to hoodwink or trap us into marriage." The function of falling in love, he says, is to "provide the participants with a magic cloak of omnipotence which blissfully blinds them to the riskiness of what they are doing when they undertake marriage."
We have often heard it said that love is blind. Many of us have probably denied it when caught in the throes of romance, then agreed with it down the road when the flame died down.
I have no doubt that a magician is pulling some tricks on these two, but I also think that they have prepared themselves for marriage. Through God's grace and wisdom they have received a more expansive vision of marriage and are therefore somewhat less likely to be hoodwinked or trapped. They have chosen these particular scriptures for their wedding because of their enlarged perspective and desire to be realistic.
The Corinthians passage makes clear that Paul, with his apostolic missionary calling, considered his celibate lifestyle a gift from God. He felt the ideal for a Christian was celibacy, not because he thought human sexuality was wrong or tainted, but because he knew that marriage, usually accompanied in his day by children, meant distraction and interruption from proclaiming the good news of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection.
Paul and other early Christians had a strong expectation that the end of the world would be coming soon. The "present distress" with which the Corinthians passage begins refers to this expectation of Jesus' return and to the battles between good and evil that would occur. Paul thought the end times would be wrought with personal and societal upheaval and would therefore be especially difficult for those with family obligations. While the expectation of Christ's immediate return was not realized in Paul's lifetime, before long early Christians came under severe persecution by the Roman Empire for their faith.
Paul wanted to spare his friends the agonizing decisions that family responsibilities impose in the face of persecution. He did not say that marriage was wrong or sinful, but he spoke a strong word of caution: You will have worldly troubles, and your interests, activities, and energy will necessarily be divided. Remain as you are, and focus your undivided attention on following the ways of Christ.
Paul is seeking to stir up the church to an undivided devotion to the Lord. Holiness to him means a complete, undisturbed dedication to the things of God.
The apostle places marriage and family in a broader perspective. He wants the Corinthians to recognize that the values and institutions of this age are transient and relative and that they should not idealize marriage. Marriage has its place but also its limitations; and it is more difficult for those who feel a special calling toward ministry to be married.
Jesus' point to the rich young ruler and the disciples is similar to Paul's message. The ruler, who had evidently followed the commandments since he was young, was confronted by Jesus with the aspect of his life which prevented him from fully devoting himself to God: his wealth. Jesus' words sink into the heart of the matter: "Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor...and come, follow me." The inability of the young ruler to do the first of these things prevents him from doing the last and finally blocks him from entering the kingdom of God.
Jesus continues by saying that wealth is not only this particular man's problem, but that of many people. Wealth carries stability, comfort, status, and power that are antithetical to the ways of God.
In addition to wealth and possessions, Jesus speaks of marriage and family. Responding to Peter's statement about leaving home and family to follow him, Jesus says, "There is no one who has left house or wife or husband or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God who will not receive manifold more in this time and in the age to come eternal life." The point is that we are prone to make gods of the secondary realities we know and love--marriage, family, money, and possessions. We want to substitute them for radical dependence on God.
Jesus is calling those who follow him to live by an ethic of relinquishment: relinquishment of old crutches and identity-creating relationships in order to live totally abandoned to the will of God. Again, marriage is seen within a broader reality of the kingdom of God and not as an ultimate reality in and of itself.
The key question raised for each of us in Jesus' teaching is: What is the major obstacle that prevents us from following? Is it our money, our loved ones, our vocation, our self or community image that we need to maintain? What is behind all of these? Does our pride prevent us from trusting God? Our insecurity, our need for love, our fear of discomfort, suffering, and death? Jesus' and Paul's words are a caution against a marriage relationship becoming that obstacle.
My personal and community experience strongly testify to the truth of the scripture's words. Marriage and, in particular, having a child have drastically complicated Bob's and my life.
During our first few years of marriage, we were able to carry more ministry together. Our marriage had an engaging effect on us. With the passing of years, however, tensions came up about our identities, and we found it harder to work on things together. The birth of our son Peter placed further demands on time we previously devoted to ministry.
On the one hand, having a child has felt like an unanticipated interruption of Bob's and my formerly undivided ministry attention. On the other hand, in some mysterious way it feels like an essential part of a process that will clarify who I am. At times our choice to have a child feels like an obstacle that prevents me from following Christ; at other times, it seems to require that I search harder for God.
I think we must listen to the distractions and complications--the realism--of which Paul speaks. The times in which we live may not be the end times, but they are times filled with distress. I think great suffering on account of our faith lies ahead of us.
The two people whose wedding we celebrate are deeply concerned about the buildup of nuclear weapons and the implications of their use for the whole of the globe. They are aware of the growing gap between the rich and the poor, and they want to align themselves with those who have little. They are seeking to divest themselves of power and to challenge the churches at the point of economic and political strength. Their deep feelings and desire to interact with these two issues alone will be sources of potential conflict in their relationship.
They also face all the issues of women's and men's roles: struggles of dominance and submission, of personal identity in relationship to spouse and to a broader community, of maintaining a commitment to service as well as to knowledge of individual call before God.
These factors are and will continue to be real stresses on their relationship. These can lead to integration, unity, and vision or to disintegration, disunity, and loss of vision. The key to which path is taken is whether or not there is a commitment to stick it out through thick and thin; good, mediocre, and bad; better and worse. Faithfulness to God and each other is essential in this struggle.
However, Isaiah proclaims that faithfulness leads to joy: "For as a young man and woman wed one another, so shall you wed the Lord who rebuilds you, and your God shall rejoice over you as a bridegroom and bride rejoice over each other."
The rejoicing, celebration, vibrant excitement, and vision about which the Isaiah passage shouts are grounded in the fact that God has turned back toward Israel. God's commitment to Israel has been renewed.
Isaiah's message came to a small community of Jewish people who had chosen the hard road of returning to Jerusalem after nearly two generations of exile in Babylon. Their land was devastated, Jerusalem destroyed, and the temple in ruins. It meant hard work to be poor, have little leadership, and reassemble a diverse exilic community. The times required much focus on the welfare of the whole community rather than on an individual's welfare.
Yet the new community, according to the prophet, would build up ancient ruins, repair devastated cities, and send forth integrity as bright as a burning torch, causing nations and kings to see God's glory. The name would change from "Forsaken" and "Desolate" to "My Delight" and "Married." The change signifies God's presence with Israel and the restoration of the broken covenant.
The renewal of God's commitment made out of deep love restored Israel's identity as a people who would mediate salvation to the world. We are here today to celebrate that same kind of commitment between our brother and sister, made to each other and to God. They make the commitment with a good measure of realism about the struggles that await them down the road, but it is precisely because of their commitment that our hope and celebration are great.
I am convinced that a marriage relationship, as well as all relationships in the church communities from which we come, are places of deep communion and healing only in as much as we make strong, lasting commitments to each other that go beyond the initial flush of romance. Sooner or later couples and communities of people fall out of love with each other and God, and it is then that the opportunity for genuine love begins.
We rejoice today because we witness two people choosing by the grace of God to go down a hard and joyful road together. We who witness this are renewed by their willingness to undertake such a costly commitment, and they in turn need our love and encouragement for the journey ahead.
Jackie Sabath was a pastor of Sojourners Fellowship when this article, taken from a sermon given at a wedding, appeared.
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