WITH ONLY a month left before the start of the annual war on Christmas—my Bill O’Reilly desk calendar keeps me up to date on all the seasonal liberal conspiracies—there is still time to plan this year’s shopping, starting with a new president.
Despite the fact that most voters are in critical need of a discerning hand to guide their choice—a choice that requires more thought than is possible during the commercial breaks on “Dancing With the Stars”—Sojourners is forbidden from providing that guidance because of restrictions from the Internal Revenue Service.
But this election is too important for us to quietly surrender to 501(c)(3) rules, since acquiescence is the final sanctuary of the coward, if he knew how to spell it. This year, with our nation so divided, it is time for Sojourners to issue a clear endorsement of one candidate, regardless of the consequences (a word that uses the letter “c” with laudable efficiency).
WE HAVE committed acts of civil disobedience before—getting arrested for protests against South African apartheid, the secret wars in Central America, and the immoral budget priorities of Congress, and, in a lesser known act of conscience, loudly objecting to the watered-down beverages on tap at our neighborhood bar. (Always the clever one in the group, I called it “tap water.”) The pizza was also horrible, but we let that one slide. The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice. Unfortunately, justice is probably going to get bent long before they add more pepperoni. You just can’t rush bad pizza.
But where was I? Oh yes, our brazen act of defiance against restrictions of our 501(c)(3) status. It should be noted that 501(c)(4) nonprofits are allowed more leeway, as long as their work is educational and contributes to the “social welfare” of the country. The fact that many 501(c)(4)s are mainly promoting the social welfare of industrial polluters, gun manufacturers, and other groups of interest to Karl Rove is beside the point.
In this time of civic unrest and anxiety, Sojourners is drawing a line in the sand. Nope, it got washed away. Dag. Okay, we’re drawing a line in this limousine with our house key and then running away real fast before we get caught. Kidding. That would be wrong, especially if it’s just a rental for prom night. No, we’re making a strong statement of unapologetic partisanship for the sake of our nation.
Therefore—federal regulations be damned—Sojourners is defiantly proud to endorse Jimmy Carter to be the next president of the United States. Assuming it’s still 1980.
And why couldn’t it be 1980? So many Americans today are longing for the 1950s, those simpler times when television was as black and white as the issues, when minorities, gay people, and women all knew their place (underfoot, out of sight, and several steps behind, respectively). Americans pine for the 1950s, so why not meet them halfway? Which is the 1980s, give or take.
So we’re coming out strong for Jimmy Carter, this modest farmer of peanuts, this evangelical Christian with a strong social conscience who teaches the Bible in Sunday School, except for the gross parts that make the kids giggle. He is from the Bible belt, after all, a belt that for many years has been cinched so tight it’s cut off circulation to the brain, causing many of its citizens to be intolerant, prejudiced, and blind to the teachings of the very Bible their belt is made of.
Carter is running against Ronald Reagan, a former Hollywood liberal who goes to church only for funerals and the occasional wedding, two of which were his. He is running on the campaign slogan of “Morning in America,” a meaningless phrase that nonetheless brings a tear of empty promise to the eye. Carter’s own slogan may suffer from his scrupulous commitment to truth—“It’s only morning before noon”—but he is a caring and decent man (with actual White House experience!) who has a long commitment to public service. His whole life has been unblemished, except for the recent revelations from Russian hackers that his high school nickname was “Potty Mouth.”
His opponent, on the other hand, is a vacuous public figure pandering to false nostalgia and misplaced pride. So vote for Jimmy Carter. Unless it’s not 1980, in which case, never mind
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